My 55 chevy is sitting in my driveway. I drove it home from my moms house last night. Can't fb about it for many reasons. I am in a daze of amazement. I never thought this would happen. Thanks to drunken lazyness on moms part, the recession, and a gillion other things. Color me stunned.

Its been a hell of a year. I have fought so hard, lost so much. Learned so much. Reforging my 'self' with fire and hammers. Looking in all the blind alleys, back waters and mazes for the bits of me that I lost. Scooping them up, smelting them, reducing out the bases. Folding every new bit into the iron of the new me. Some bits fold together easily. Others leaving ugly lumps that require more smithing. I can see parts that need polishing others that I want to leave rough. Maybe I'll find a new ore not yet known to me. That sound your hearing, that's me hammering away, forging the new me.

Forget... forever onward what you consider the definition of transportation.
You are about to journey down the path of enlightenment, and learn the curious nature and language of a mechanical being. The Volkswagen is a peculiar beast, fed a steady diet of oil and gasoline it will move slowly from place to place.
Buses mark their spot. They pee on you when you least expect it. Like a foreign customs agent, it takes time to figure out where they want the grease. They take a little tweak here and there, when something not quite right they tell you if you listen.
When you hop behind the wheel of a bus you've got the best seat, as you'll soon experience she's a low flying slow air plane. Flying high enough off the ground to do an oil change, swap master cylinders, and cv joints without jack stands. Head and tail winds effect speed over ground, your steering wheel at speed is more for yaw, in the end she goes where she wants, or doesn't.
Buy her quality parts, or she'll spit them back at you. Your bus is half truck and half home; sometimes a magic carpet to distant places… other times a squatter. Wandering down the road with a smile on her face, the grins and thumbs up from those on the same path make her day. If you wish to show off your wrenching skills, she'll humble you. Trust her, lover her... and she'll be one happy camper.
You've got to love her deep down or she'll leave you stranded, half the battle is the will to keep her on the road. If you don't think she will, she'll know it... scratch her rattles, lube her squeaks. Never forget she’s an aging mistress; her joints aren't what they once were... if its cold it takes a little bit longer to get motivated. One day you will too.
You've had your fair warning. Spend your time cuddling and she'll fire up when you need her, but if you've got other projects you've got to give an offering. When she humbles you, give a prayer to the gods of speed and give the bus in question a shot of oil. Mostly problems come from not driving her, buses get sad… some more than others, and if you don’t drive them they question your love. Miles are the VW anti-depressant.
Give her a pat on the dash and thank her for the trip at the end of the day.

Modern pharmacology gets a big gold star from me. Meds, My family of friends and lots of therapy saved my life. (if you are reading this thank you, thank you, THANK YOU)
I still have bad days but they aren't as bad or as often. I have better tools but I still struggle to use them.
I am working hard at finding myself again. Trying to make my way through the world with as much grace and compassion as I can muster.
I am still in the eye of a hurricane of change. I am starting to see that it holds possibility as well as destruction but it still scares the living shit out of me.
I feel full of unresolvable diametrically opposed desires. I am trying to be patient with myself and let things sort themselves out. Its hard, I want clear answers, concrete solutions, a clear path to start on and I don't get to have that right now. I am skittish about all emotional connections still. I am having a hard time trusting my own or other peoples intent.
thanks for hanging in there with me. Im still a work in progress.

My backyard this Friday (yes tomorrow)
Its grab bag this Friday, bring a movie you want to see the assembled viewers will decide what we're watching.
Bring something to sit or lay on, your favorite consumables and your beautiful selves.
Movie is at dark o'clock. Guests are welcome after 6.
Pool and grill ave available for use.
Feel free to forward this on

today is/was our 9th wedding anniversary. i think im going to cry in the corner for a while.

I am looking to borrow a digital camera to take to the ren fair in WI mid July. If anyone has an extra one they wouldn't mind lending please let me know. I will return it when I return mid august.

This Friday Night (June 26th) at oh dark thirty I will again showing movies in the back yard. This weeks movie Diabolik from 1968.

Leaving tonight to go to the Nor Cal Pirate Festival. We are boothing so I have to dress up as a pirate all weekend. Which seems silly and a little weird.
If your not busy come see me look silly. Admission is free. Deets here www.norcalpiratefestival.com/